Kara~15 Months

Well, little miss turned 15 months 3 days ago.

She is beginning to love books. I have to be careful and "hide" the grown up books. She loves her board books. She is talking more gibberish than actual words. At least she is vocal. She recognizes items in her books. If I ask her to show the me shoe, she points to it.

She has started the picky eater club. She used to love cheese toast, now she just wants the toast with no cheese. She peels the cheese off and it ends up on the floor. The only meat she likes is breaded chicken tenders. She recently discovered how to dip food in condiments. That has been a real adventure. For some reason when she is with her dad ketchup or whatever she is dipping food in ends up all over her clothes. I don't want to nag him, but I really wish he would start pushing up her sleeves or not let her eat with her coat on.

She still isn't walking on her own. She pushes her walking toys around the living room. Sometimes she gets brave and lets go. Then if I make a big deal of her standing up alone, she falls down. I learned to act like I am not paying her any attention.

She had her 15 month check up and booster shots yesterday. She weighs 24 lbs and is 30 inches long. I don't the doctors office got her measurements right. If she is 30 inches long, she hasn't grown in 3 months.

A church home

Finally after months of church searching, I finally found a place to call home.

Kara and I are proud members of a local baptist church in Randleman, NC.

I was a member in the past, and before some personal issues I loved it there. I worked in the nursery, sang in the chior and helped out anywhere I could.

I was going to talk to the pastor about becoming a member, but God had other plans in mind. After tonight's message an invitation was made for anyone to join that wanted to. Well, my heart started racing, I knew I couldn't ignore it. I went up front with another lady and we both joined.
I am so excited. I cannot wait to get involved and make brand new friends.

As soon as the new pastor gets settled and moved, we will be having a baby dedication for Kara.

Our weekend in Greenville

Family reunion

I haven't posted in awhile because I haven't been in a very good place. I am struggling and I am hoping to keep my mind busy through the holidays.

Last Monday, my grandmother on my father's side passed away. We weren't that close because growing up my life was full of manipulation and verbal abuse from my grandmother and several other family members. I haven't seen her or my other family members for at least 7 or 8 years. The summer of 2000, I found out my youngest uncle had cancer and another health scare. I took him to his doctors at Duke every Friday for consults and chemo treatments. After he got his own mode of transportation, it seemed no one needed me or my brother around. Calls stopped, visits were far and inbetween. There are other instances. I can't type them out for family privacy. Needless, to say my brother and I felt used.

For the past year, my uncle has been in contact with me via Myspace and texting. We were supposed to go see my grandmother in Henderson, NC on the Saturday before Father's Day. Autumn's grandmother passed away and I felt my loyalties were with her since she was my step-daughter. Since then, no one could coordinate thier schedules to go see her. I regret not seeing her one last time. The last memory I have of her isn't a good one. She said something negative about my life and I proved her wrong last August.

My brother and I had very mixed feelings about making the trip to Youngsville for the memorial service. I really didn't want to face that family because I knew the aunts would treat us like dog poo (the nicest thing I could come up with). And, I was right. One of them told me, it hurt her feelings that I missed her 50th birthday party four years ago. The other never talked to me or Kara. My uncle talked to us before the rest of the family arrived. We felt we needed to go to pay our respects to our grandmother and I really wanted to see my father. We haven't seen him since 2001 or 2002, by his choice, not ours.

My father was so happy to see us. It was worth the pain and shame poured on us. He loves Kara and he kept saying how happy he is to be a grandpa and he is on cloud nine. He doesn't have a phone at home. He makes all his calls from work. He has our number. The ball is in his court to call us. Kara needs a grandpa and he needs his family.

The first picture is Kara and me with my dad, uncle and brother. The second picture is Kara with my dad.

Kara~14 months

Kara, today you are 14 months old. I still look at you and wonder where my not so tiny newborn went.

You are becoming a smart little girl. You no longer want my help in doing things unless you get so aggravated you start screaming in frustration. This month you learned how to unlock my desk drawers. Thats a big accomplishment since the keyhole is small. I just watched you figure out which way the key goes. It took you a day, but you finally figured it out.

You have started to say a few words: see, wanna see, stop, and baby. You hold and comfort your baby dolls and stuffed animals, just like I have since day one. You hold them on your shoulder, twist back and forth and pat their backs. I love watching you love on your babies.

You haven't started walking yet. Although, you finally figured out you can walk as long as you are pushing something. Your favorite thing to walk and push are the office chairs. Your second favorite is your high chair. You are finally getting brave enough to walk behind the walking toy your Uncle Ronnie and Lem gave you for your birthday. I know it won't be long and you will be walking on your own. For now, I'm emjoying your crawling. It means I have my baby for a little while longer.

You still enjoy music. Your favorite toys are the ones that play a melody. Once you start to recognize it you sing along and clap your hands. Until you recognize it you just sway back and forth and bob your head.

Kara, you are growing up too fast. I enjoying spending every day with you. I enjoy seeing the world through your eyes. I look forward to many more days with you.

My little Linus

Kara has a favorite blanket. When she gets upset she holds it up to her face and sucks her thumb. I noticed she has been doing this since July. She does it when I leave her in the care of the church nursery, gym daycare or when Jeff leaves after dropping Kara off at home.

She CANNOT go anywhere without it. Once, I made the mistake of not taking it with us in 100 degree heat. I had to turn the car around before she would calm down. This blanket is her best friend and security. I wish I could say it was this same shade of pink. It has a dingy look now, and its stained. I am not looking forward to the day I have to get her a new one. I have been thinking of buying a second one for her to alternate with. I have this feeling she would know the difference. I should have gave her other blankets to get used to.

Jeff and I call her Linus from the Peanuts because he carried his blanket around sucking his thumb. Jeff gave her a Linus doll, given to him by his late sister many years ago. He did the same thing. I seen his baby pictures, he even looked like Linus. Just a few strands of hair sticking up.

Fall Festival

This year, my mother and I decided to take Kara to the Asheboro Fall Festival. It was the first time I have been in 10 years or so. The last time, I was there I was with some friends from college. We stopped in to look around and get one of the best funnel cakes from a family friend. They are always set up at the end of Worth Street. I didn't get one this year because I wasn't all that hungry. IT seemed to change alot. I didn't notice too many things for children to beg their parents for. I remember when I was younger, we would always get a mylar balloon or some crazy toy. Kara seemed to enjoy the event for the first 30 min. Then she started to get crabby. I was reaquainted with some friends from middle and high school. They were doing face painting and games to raise money for her foundation. Kara got a huge red heart on her face. I tried to get pictures but she wasn't in a picture taking mood.