Kara~15 Months

Well, little miss turned 15 months 3 days ago.

She is beginning to love books. I have to be careful and "hide" the grown up books. She loves her board books. She is talking more gibberish than actual words. At least she is vocal. She recognizes items in her books. If I ask her to show the me shoe, she points to it.

She has started the picky eater club. She used to love cheese toast, now she just wants the toast with no cheese. She peels the cheese off and it ends up on the floor. The only meat she likes is breaded chicken tenders. She recently discovered how to dip food in condiments. That has been a real adventure. For some reason when she is with her dad ketchup or whatever she is dipping food in ends up all over her clothes. I don't want to nag him, but I really wish he would start pushing up her sleeves or not let her eat with her coat on.

She still isn't walking on her own. She pushes her walking toys around the living room. Sometimes she gets brave and lets go. Then if I make a big deal of her standing up alone, she falls down. I learned to act like I am not paying her any attention.

She had her 15 month check up and booster shots yesterday. She weighs 24 lbs and is 30 inches long. I don't the doctors office got her measurements right. If she is 30 inches long, she hasn't grown in 3 months.

A church home

Finally after months of church searching, I finally found a place to call home.

Kara and I are proud members of a local baptist church in Randleman, NC.

I was a member in the past, and before some personal issues I loved it there. I worked in the nursery, sang in the chior and helped out anywhere I could.

I was going to talk to the pastor about becoming a member, but God had other plans in mind. After tonight's message an invitation was made for anyone to join that wanted to. Well, my heart started racing, I knew I couldn't ignore it. I went up front with another lady and we both joined.
I am so excited. I cannot wait to get involved and make brand new friends.

As soon as the new pastor gets settled and moved, we will be having a baby dedication for Kara.

Our weekend in Greenville

Family reunion

I haven't posted in awhile because I haven't been in a very good place. I am struggling and I am hoping to keep my mind busy through the holidays.

Last Monday, my grandmother on my father's side passed away. We weren't that close because growing up my life was full of manipulation and verbal abuse from my grandmother and several other family members. I haven't seen her or my other family members for at least 7 or 8 years. The summer of 2000, I found out my youngest uncle had cancer and another health scare. I took him to his doctors at Duke every Friday for consults and chemo treatments. After he got his own mode of transportation, it seemed no one needed me or my brother around. Calls stopped, visits were far and inbetween. There are other instances. I can't type them out for family privacy. Needless, to say my brother and I felt used.

For the past year, my uncle has been in contact with me via Myspace and texting. We were supposed to go see my grandmother in Henderson, NC on the Saturday before Father's Day. Autumn's grandmother passed away and I felt my loyalties were with her since she was my step-daughter. Since then, no one could coordinate thier schedules to go see her. I regret not seeing her one last time. The last memory I have of her isn't a good one. She said something negative about my life and I proved her wrong last August.

My brother and I had very mixed feelings about making the trip to Youngsville for the memorial service. I really didn't want to face that family because I knew the aunts would treat us like dog poo (the nicest thing I could come up with). And, I was right. One of them told me, it hurt her feelings that I missed her 50th birthday party four years ago. The other never talked to me or Kara. My uncle talked to us before the rest of the family arrived. We felt we needed to go to pay our respects to our grandmother and I really wanted to see my father. We haven't seen him since 2001 or 2002, by his choice, not ours.

My father was so happy to see us. It was worth the pain and shame poured on us. He loves Kara and he kept saying how happy he is to be a grandpa and he is on cloud nine. He doesn't have a phone at home. He makes all his calls from work. He has our number. The ball is in his court to call us. Kara needs a grandpa and he needs his family.

The first picture is Kara and me with my dad, uncle and brother. The second picture is Kara with my dad.